Not My Mess
by Butimachrldr2
Summary: The little scene in Killer App with Eli and Gillian in the break room brought about this story. 'How simple that was, 'no'. So easy and so freeing. Gillian felt a huge weight off of her shoulders. She didn't have to clean it up. It wasn't her mess.'


The little scene in Killer App with Eli and Gillian in the breakroom brought about this story. Gillian's response was so incredulous, it triggered this little analysis. I have no idea where the ending came from.

I promise I'm still working on The Most Magical Place on Earth, just had to get this one shot down – Thanks for all the wonderful feedback!

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I do not own Lie to Me, the characters, dialogue, or events in the episodes.

* * *

"You gonna clean that up?" She asked Loker pointing at the food, soda can and garbage left on the table. In the midst of explaining to Eli the need to get Zach to disclose more about Claire, her eyes had stopped on the mess. Something inside her triggered a gut reaction, a need to clean it up.

"That's not my mess." He replied matter of factly, as if that was the end of the matter.

"So you're not going to clean it up then." Her confusion was evident on her face. Eli had said that it wasn't his mess so he was not going to clean it. The ownership of a mess had never really factored into her analysis of whether to clean it up. If there was a mess she just took care of it. But if it wasn't _her_ mess…? A dawning appreciation of something began to awaken in her mind.

Eli simply stared back wondering if it was a question she was asking him or some kind of test. His eyes narrowed. Did she expect him to clean up someone else's mess? Before he could ask, she turned and left the break room, leaving him a befuddled mess.

* * *

Gillian dropped the keys on her kitchen counter. The place seemed eerily quiet now that she had nothing to distract her. No more investigation to keep her busy; no stones left unturned. Just Claire's death and the silence of her home.

Fingering the box that contained the necklace Claire had made with her when she was just twelve years old, she realized tears would not come. Her anger, rage and sadness had been channeled into getting Zach to confess. Now that he'd been arrested she felt hollow, empty. Opening the box she touched the stones and sighed. That little girl was gone. The woman she had become was gone.

Gillian had held a sobbing Claire at twelve, all those years ago. She had helped her begin a new life, one with a bright future. She held her again as she took her last breath, that brilliant light fading out of existence. It wasn't fair.

Closing the box, she walked into the living room and placed it on her mantle. Touching it once reverently, she turned and made her way to her bedroom not bothering to turn on the lights. The darkness felt right. She uncharacteristically deposited her clothes on the floor and crawled into bed, cocooning herself in her blankets and pillows. Laying awake for what felt like forever she watched the thoughts race around her head.

Closing her eyes she finally succumbed to sheer exhaustion.

* * *

The next morning she was on autopilot. Hardly registering much that went on. People presented her with the usual pleasantries but it was like they fell on deaf ears. She went through the motions of her morning: getting coffee, sitting at her desk, opening emails. But nothing seemed to register.

Heidi popped her head into Gillian's office and spoke to her boss, but Gillian only caught bits and pieces. "Dr. Foster… head of the Department of… Dr. Lightman seems to have upset … irate … perhaps you could speak with them and smooth things over?"

Gillian looked up at her blankly. "What?"

Heidi stared back confused. "I... I, um, just thought you might want to speak with the client to help smooth things over?"

"Oh…" Gillian looked back at her hands on the laptop. Did she want to smooth things over? It seemed that Cal had messed up something with a client. Was that right? Yes, Heidi said someone was irate. Did she want to fix it for him? Fix it…

The image of the messy table in the break room filled her mind.

" _You gonna clean that?" she had asked._

" _It's not my mess." He had answered. So simply._

Looking up at Heidi sharply, she replied quite forcefully, "No."

"Um, what?" the poor girl looked flabbergasted.

"No." Gillian continued with an even tone. "You asked if I'd like to speak with them to smooth things over for Dr. Lightman. The answer is no. Thank you Heidi." Gillian looked back to her email, dismissing Heidi in the process. She didn't even notice the young woman's facial expressions; she simply attacked her own work with renewed vigor.

How simple that was, 'no'. So easy and so freeing. Gillian felt a huge weight off of her shoulders. She didn't have to clean it up. It wasn't her mess.

Heidi stood staring at her boss for a few minutes, mouth opening and closing in a gaping motion like a fish. Realizing that Dr. Foster had nothing further to say she turned and stumbled down the hall. Running into Loker and Torrez in the hallway she asked them, "Um, is something wrong with Dr. Foster?"

"Foster? Not that I'm aware of. Why? Is she sick?" Ria asked, nibbling on a cookie she had dunked in her coffee.

"I'm not sure." Heidi looked between Eli and Ria before continuing onto the front desk. The two looked at each other and shrugged, heading for the lab.

* * *

"Ugh! Lightman still hasn't sent me those files." Ria groaned, frustrated as usual at her boss. "How am I supposed to finish this paperwork if I can't get the information from him?"

"Just get Foster to do it." Loker chimed in, still typing away at his laptop.

"What? Do you really think she has access to his files? I mean Lightman is so controlling about that stuff." Ria questioned. She couldn't imagine Lightman allowing anyone a key to his office, not even Foster.

"It's Foster. I'm sure he just dumps all his files on her anyway. Have you ever actually seen him write a report?" Eli tapped his pencil against his bottom lip as he cocked his head to the side and gave her a look showing disbelief at the idea of Lightman actually doing any kind of paperwork. "Besides, she got files out of his office last week for me, and the week before for Heidi. It's Foster, she'll take care of it."

"Guess it's worth a shot." Ria stood getting ready to head to Foster's office.

"Oh and would you take this to her?" Eli absentmindedly handed her a stack of envelopes.

"What are they?" she asked him.

"Lightman's mail. The mail he can't be bothered with. He gave the stack to me this morning to give to Foster but I haven't gotten around to it."

"Alright." She headed toward the door and heard a 'thank you' called out behind her.

* * *

Popping her head into Foster's office, Ria spotted the woman hard at work on her computer. Knocking politely on the door frame, she called her name, "Foster?"

Gillian looked up and nodded to Ria to enter. "Yes, Ria?"

"I was hoping you could help me. Lightman has the Brown and Miller files and I can't finish my reports without them. I've been asking him all week. I need those files." Ria vented her frustration. Foster didn't blink or react, which surprised Ria. She expected her boss to respond. A few minutes of silence with an unresponsive Foster, caused Ria some concern. When Foster finally spoke, it was not at all what she expected.

"And?" Gillian responded questioningly.

Ria stopped and looked at her boss. "And… I was hoping you could help me get the files. He's out on a case and…"

"Ria, you'll have to take this up with Lightman yourself." Gillian sat back in her chair and turned back toward her laptop. When Ria made no move to leave Gillian looked back at the younger woman. "Is there something else?"

Ria, still stunned, didn't know how to respond. "Um… oh, yes, Eli asked me to bring these to you." She attempted to hand the stack of envelopes to Foster.

Turning her head to the side and making no move to take the letters, Gillian read the name off the top envelope. "That says Dr. Cal Lightman, Ria. I'm assuming that stack is for Cal. He'll have to deal with his own mail. Perhaps you can drop them off at his office when you collect those files?" Not waiting for a response, Gillian turned back to her laptop, opened up her document, and began typing.

Realizing she had been dismissed, Ria backed out of the office. Something was definitely off with Foster. She remembered Heidi's comment from earlier. Spotting Heidi and Loker heading into the breakroom she decided to follow them. Maybe they'd have some insight on Foster's odd behavior.

* * *

"I asked her if she wanted to smooth things over with a client that was upset with Dr. Lightman and she said no." Heidi informed Ria who sat across from her at the table in the break room.

"Wow, Foster said no?" Eli asked pouring a little more coffee in his mug. "Gillian Foster said no?"

Heidi just nodded confused.

"Yeah, when I tried to ask for help with collecting files from Lightman she told me to take it up with Lightman and then she flat out refused to take his mail." Ria chimed in. "It was weird. She's not acting like herself."

Shrugging Eli joined them at the table. "Maybe she's just getting sick of bailing out Lightman."

"Did I hear my name?" Cal grinned sauntering into the break room. "And that's _Doctor_ Lightman, Loker." Cal couldn't help but berate the man when he made it so easy.

Loker pursed his mouth and rolled his eyes in Ria's direction. "Yes, _Doctor_ Lightman, we were just discussing how _Doctor_ Foster's gotten sick of cleaning up your messes."

"What you on about?" Cal scoffed at Loker.

Eli, on a role with his radical honesty, continued, "Yeah, she told Heidi she isn't smoothing things over with clients you piss off. Then she told Ria to collect the files she's been requesting from you directly. Oh," Eli picked up the pile of letters on the table next to Ria and shoved them into Cal's hands, "and here's _your_ mail."

Cal looked down at the envelopes and then back up at his staff. Loker looked a bit too pleased with himself, Heidi looked almost terrified, and Ria looked confused. "Well I'll just go have a word with Dr. Foster." Cal stood up and turned to leave, but right before exiting the room he turned back and threw the stack of mail to Eli. "Handle these, won't you Loker. Seeing as you've nothing better to do."

* * *

Cal paused outside Gillian's office, watching her feverishly typing on the computer. He didn't really want to bother her, not if what his staff had said was actually true. There was determination about something set on her face. An unease settled in Cal's stomach. Well he was always one to push his limits. Entering her office, he chimed, "Alo luv, heard you've been quite busy this morning."

Glancing up at him, Gillian raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean Cal?"

"Well rumor has it, and by rumor I mean Loker, that you're no longer cleaning up my messes." Cal sat down across from her and watched her face. She simply sat back in her chair and returned his look. As the minutes dragged on Cal began to worry that there might be something more to this rumor. Not being able to stand it any longer, he broke the silence, not even caring that it gave her the upper hand. "Is that true luv?"

" _Your_ messes?" She clarified. "You're asking me if I will be cleaning up _your_ messes?"

"Right…" He didn't like the way this was going. It was never a good sign when a woman repeated your question back to you. He remembered that from his rows with Zoe.

"If they are _your_ messes Cal, why should I clean them up?" Gillian asked him folding her arms in front of her chest.

He sat their incredulously. Honestly, he didn't have an answer to that. She had always just done it and he'd been glad of it. He never thought she'd question it or ask him why she did it. There really wasn't a reason. Except that if she didn't clean up his messes then no one would. And where would they be then?

His mouth gaped open and shut and he sat there staring at her. Finally after what felt like an eternity, he opted for the truth. "I don't know how to answer that luv. Honestly, I have no idea why you've always been there to clean up after me, to bail me out, to help me back up. Up till now I thought I was either the luckiest bloody man on earth or had done something incredible in another life. Never look a gift horse in the mouth I suppose. Just always counted on you to be there, no questions asked. Not because I deserved it, but because you were, I mean you are, just that amazing. There's no reason for you to keep bailing me out Gill. None. There never was. But without you to clean up my messes, I have no ruddy idea where we will be. The company won't last a week Gill. You and I both know that. " Cal hoped his sincerity conveyed on his face and in his words. She'd trust the latter more anyway.

Gillian cocked her head to the side and unfolded her arms as she listened to him. Looking down for a moment, her forehead crinkled as she thought about what he said. Slowly, she began to respond. "Up until now, anytime there was a mess I just cleaned it up without thinking about it." Gillian paused, her eyes going soft as she lost herself in past memories. "With my father, I don't remember a time I wasn't cleaning up after him. Broken dishes, smashed artwork, empty bottles… Then when I got older, bigger messes where it wasn't just things that got damaged…" Cal felt his fists clench at the thought that she might have gotten hurt. He remembered all to well the pain that could be inflicted by a drunk. She continued oblivious to his reaction. "With Alec, so many nights were spent cleaning up after him…"

Gillian returned to the present and looked at Cal. "The other day, Loker was in the breakroom and there was a mess on the table. I asked him if he was going to clean it up. Just seeing it there it just… drove me crazy, like an impulse, a need to make it neat and orderly again. He didn't react the same way. He didn't even seem to notice it. His response, it was so… so enlightening. He said, 'It's not my mess.' That was it for him. It wasn't _his_ mess so he had no responsibility to clean it up, to fix it. It wasn't _his_. So why is it mine? Why are everyone-else's messes _my_ mess, Cal? Why is it my responsibility to clean up after everyone else?"

The look she gave him was so vulnerable it pulled at his heart. He could see the tears sitting in her eyes. He honestly had no answer to that. The fact that he was part of that 'everyone else' was killing him. He thought back to all the times that she had been there, cleaning up his messes. The night Ria's sister was at Gillian's house flashed into his mind. A shaken Gillian standing next to her sink. He remembered what he had said to her, "Well you're supposed to be the sensible one."

He didn't realize he had said it allowed until he hear her respond. "And you're supposed to take unnecessary risks." Cal looked up at Gillian's words and their eyes locked. "I don't want to be this person anymore Cal. I don't want to be the sensible one."

Her words echoed in the room. They sat for a long time just staring at each other.

Finally, Cal nodded. "Alright luv." Standing he held out his hand to her. She stared at it then up at him questioningly. "Well come on then, you're no longer sensible, so let's go."

She opened her mouth as if to ask, where, why, what, something but then closed it. He was right, if she wasn't going to be the sensible one, now was as good a time as any to start. She smiled at him as she rose, took his hand and pulled past him out the door.

"Hang on a minute luv, how d'ya know where we're going?" He asked smirking at her enthusiasm as he followed along willingly behind her.

Looking back over her shoulders she smiled seductively, "Does it really matter where Cal?"

"Aye Aye luv, think I like this new Gillian Foster." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

Her laugh was her only reply as she pulled him into the elevator.


End file.
